Sunday, February 21, 2010

I will send this first thing Monday

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to open a bag of Starburst jellybeans? The following is a letter I will send to the Wrigley candy company first thing tomorrow in an effort to make a change. Names (except my own) have been removed to protect identity.

Dear Wrigley Company;

I am writing on behalf of myself, David Warner, and [my friend] regarding your Starburst Jellybeans product. We both love said product and regard it as one of the best varieties of candy available. We are writing because we have observed that the packaging of Starburst Jellybeans is difficult to open—requiring a good deal of force which often causes an opening larger than desired or even a jellybean explosion. This is especially problematic for those who have dogs (like [my friend]). Scissors might be suggested as a good solution to this problem (and they are, when available); however, one of the best situations to eat Starburst Jellybeans is on a long drive during which scissors are typically unavailable. To this day my car has one of your jellybeans stuck between the seat and the consol from a road trip jellybean explosion several years ago. We would like to suggest, as a solution to this problem, that each package come with a small perforation at one end to facilitate spill-free opening. Following is a diagram to illustrate our idea:

Thank you for considering out suggestion; we hope it is helpful. And thank you for making such delicious candies!


David Warner and [friend]

Blog readers: is perforation the right word?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Currently I am


this musical duo

The dude in the background playing instruments is a little weird, but I'm pretty sure I could listen to this girl sing all day and be entertained.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Things that must go

Things that must go:

1. The word “doppelganger”.
2. The concept of a celebrity doppelganger. Nobody cares what famous hot person you think you look like.
3. The Facebook.
4. Red traffic lights.
5. Lobbying in politics.
6. “One million percent yes”. This makes no sense and is a ridiculous thing to say.
7. Smog.
8. The name Jimmer. He may be great at basketball, but he needs to get this changed as soon as possible.
9. Dudes who ONLY talk about girls. It gets so annoying after a while.

For fear of sounding negative (I know some of you were thinking it), here is a short list (it could go on for a while) of things that must never go:

1. Skiing.
2. Winter days that feel like Spring.
3. iTunes.
4. The Red Iguana.
5. Settebello.
6. Night hikes.
7. St. George.
8. Local bands.
9. 4th gear (I love shifting into fourth gear for some odd reason).
10. Nertz.
11. Rachel McAdams.
12. My niece, Savannah, asking, “Where’s Davey?” every time she calls my house.
13. Jerry Kaplan.
14. Cousins.
15. Digital cameras.
16. Running.
17. My parents playing Beatles Rockband with me.
18. Acoustic guitars.